I think I'd like to become a reality TV slut.
Why? Because Snooki, one of the stupid stars of "Jersey Shore" has recently been given a deal with Simon Schuester to publish her first novel. I can't for the life of me figure out why she can do it and I can't. I am entirely bamboozled.
To be published, you apparently have to be a whore.
What will she even write about? The day she couldn't rat her hair higher than 10 inches?
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
The Terrible Tuesdays
Yesterday was a rough one for pretty much everyone I know.
I started the trend. The story is kind of funny now, but at the time, I was about ready to lose it. I spent my lunchtime in my car, taking a nap after a very, very long (but totally fantastic) weekend. As a little backstory, I should mention that I don't like to leave my car parked right outside of the office when I nap. There's a little group of smokers who come outside about once an hour, and I don't really care to have them peeping in my windows. So I move my car about a block away to a different parking lot. It's one I happen to enjoy quite a bit. It's shaded in the summer and somewhat secluded. So yesterday I drove my car over to my Special Napping Spot and dozed off. When my alarm went off, I threw my stuff in the front seat and got out of the car to come around to the front. Here's where things went very wrong... I locked all the doors. Yep. Definitely locked myself out of the car. Definitely had to walk back to work from my Special Napping Spot. Definitely had to call any and all friends who would have access to my spare key. Now, I don't consider myself to be a particularly paranoid person, but I do live in Tacoma. I didn't mind that I wouldn't be able to see good ol' Jonathan (my little Focus) from my office window, but I did mind that my purse was locked inside of him and thrown open, exposing my wallet and other goodies. My keys were in there, too. Anyone who was willing to break out a window would have had absolute control over my entire life. Heinous. Oh, and did I mention that I had an extra set of keys in my purse, too? That's right. I locked TWO sets of keys in my car. Doesn't get much stupider than that. I am fortunate enough to have awesome friends, so one came and saved me pretty quickly, but I was one hot mess until she got there.
A couple of my girls had it rough, too. One is the youngest cat lady I've ever met, and her little Missy had a stroke late last night and had to be put down. She came into work today in her pajamas. I'm hoping she'll be joining the rest of us back in shallow waters very soon after that dive right into the deep end. Another friend spent the better part of the night in the hospital with her mother, who is getting tested for who-knows-what.
Did I also mention that Glee last night was terrible? We all know that Britney Spears has had her on and off years, and I think the episode was filmed to reflect the crazier moments in her life. All of the most loveable characters on the show completely lost their minds last night. Thanks for setting us up for that one, Brit.
I know people say that Friday the 13th is bad, but I think from now on, I'll be replacing it with Tuesday the 28th.
I started the trend. The story is kind of funny now, but at the time, I was about ready to lose it. I spent my lunchtime in my car, taking a nap after a very, very long (but totally fantastic) weekend. As a little backstory, I should mention that I don't like to leave my car parked right outside of the office when I nap. There's a little group of smokers who come outside about once an hour, and I don't really care to have them peeping in my windows. So I move my car about a block away to a different parking lot. It's one I happen to enjoy quite a bit. It's shaded in the summer and somewhat secluded. So yesterday I drove my car over to my Special Napping Spot and dozed off. When my alarm went off, I threw my stuff in the front seat and got out of the car to come around to the front. Here's where things went very wrong... I locked all the doors. Yep. Definitely locked myself out of the car. Definitely had to walk back to work from my Special Napping Spot. Definitely had to call any and all friends who would have access to my spare key. Now, I don't consider myself to be a particularly paranoid person, but I do live in Tacoma. I didn't mind that I wouldn't be able to see good ol' Jonathan (my little Focus) from my office window, but I did mind that my purse was locked inside of him and thrown open, exposing my wallet and other goodies. My keys were in there, too. Anyone who was willing to break out a window would have had absolute control over my entire life. Heinous. Oh, and did I mention that I had an extra set of keys in my purse, too? That's right. I locked TWO sets of keys in my car. Doesn't get much stupider than that. I am fortunate enough to have awesome friends, so one came and saved me pretty quickly, but I was one hot mess until she got there.
A couple of my girls had it rough, too. One is the youngest cat lady I've ever met, and her little Missy had a stroke late last night and had to be put down. She came into work today in her pajamas. I'm hoping she'll be joining the rest of us back in shallow waters very soon after that dive right into the deep end. Another friend spent the better part of the night in the hospital with her mother, who is getting tested for who-knows-what.
Did I also mention that Glee last night was terrible? We all know that Britney Spears has had her on and off years, and I think the episode was filmed to reflect the crazier moments in her life. All of the most loveable characters on the show completely lost their minds last night. Thanks for setting us up for that one, Brit.
I know people say that Friday the 13th is bad, but I think from now on, I'll be replacing it with Tuesday the 28th.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tick Tock
My job leaves me with waaaaay too much time on my hands.
For the last 15 minutes or so, I've been spying on the guy I share an office with. He's eating a Granny Smith apple. The best part is that he forgot to take the sticker off before he started eating it. Any second, he's going to take a bite out of that little piece of plastic-y paper and glue. I.AM.RIVETTED.
It's the most exciting thing that's happened here in days. I'm literally on the edge of my seat. I've been asking myself questions like "Will he notice that he ate a sticker? Will he spit it out? Will it increase his fiber intake at all??"
These questions seem to need an answer. I feel that I MUST KNOW what will happen.
That's how dull my job is.
For the last 15 minutes or so, I've been spying on the guy I share an office with. He's eating a Granny Smith apple. The best part is that he forgot to take the sticker off before he started eating it. Any second, he's going to take a bite out of that little piece of plastic-y paper and glue. I.AM.RIVETTED.
It's the most exciting thing that's happened here in days. I'm literally on the edge of my seat. I've been asking myself questions like "Will he notice that he ate a sticker? Will he spit it out? Will it increase his fiber intake at all??"
These questions seem to need an answer. I feel that I MUST KNOW what will happen.
That's how dull my job is.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The New Me
I have been officially dubbed with a new nickname at work.
You see, my job requires that I dress nicely. That's not too uncommon for someone my age who works in an office. However, in my mind, part of dressing nicely means wearing heels. Not skanky super high ones, but at least an inch and maybe two. I don't think that's a crazy assumption to make either.
Here's where I get myself in trouble... Problem 1: I walk everywhere quickly. Problem 2: The floors in our office are partly linoleum and partly carpet. Everyone knows the sound that heels make on linoleum and other such materials. You'd think I'd be safe on carpet, though. Not the case. The carpet is just as bad! It isn't well padded, so I just go pounding down the hall like a bull elephant on a rampage.
Thusly, the reception desk has decided to call me Thumper because of the noise I make when I travel down the halls. I think I'm more upset about this than when I found out that Bambi's mother died.
You see, my job requires that I dress nicely. That's not too uncommon for someone my age who works in an office. However, in my mind, part of dressing nicely means wearing heels. Not skanky super high ones, but at least an inch and maybe two. I don't think that's a crazy assumption to make either.
Here's where I get myself in trouble... Problem 1: I walk everywhere quickly. Problem 2: The floors in our office are partly linoleum and partly carpet. Everyone knows the sound that heels make on linoleum and other such materials. You'd think I'd be safe on carpet, though. Not the case. The carpet is just as bad! It isn't well padded, so I just go pounding down the hall like a bull elephant on a rampage.
Thusly, the reception desk has decided to call me Thumper because of the noise I make when I travel down the halls. I think I'm more upset about this than when I found out that Bambi's mother died.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Doctor Is Out
I am so depressed right now. I just read an article online that stated that Neil Patrick Harris, star of such classics as Doogie Howser, M.D. and Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (now that I'm writing this, I'm realizing he's played a lot of characters with high degrees...), may be leaving show business for good.
I mourned my loss when I first found out he was gay, because that means I'll never get a chance with him. On the other hand, I'm sure some of the world's most heterosexual men threw their hats in the air in celebration. He's got a pretty decent following in the hetero man crush arena. However, this is all beside the point.
The latest news, which I read today, states that NPH and his partner are having twins by surrogate. I would ordinarily celebrate with them, but the problem is that Neil Patrick is considering leaving acting to be a full-time dad! I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about it!
Why, oh why didn't Tom Cruise make this decision instead??
I mourned my loss when I first found out he was gay, because that means I'll never get a chance with him. On the other hand, I'm sure some of the world's most heterosexual men threw their hats in the air in celebration. He's got a pretty decent following in the hetero man crush arena. However, this is all beside the point.
The latest news, which I read today, states that NPH and his partner are having twins by surrogate. I would ordinarily celebrate with them, but the problem is that Neil Patrick is considering leaving acting to be a full-time dad! I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about it!
Why, oh why didn't Tom Cruise make this decision instead??
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tech Talk
You know, I used to be one of those people that felt pretty tech savvy. Alas, I now long for those days.
I decided that I needed a Skype account to keep in touch with family and friends who are far away. I've actually wanted to do it for quite a while. There was just always something holding me back. I learned last week that it was a fear that I seem to have developed of new technology.
The whole concept just bamboozled me. If my sister hadn't called and basically forced me to sign up for it while I was on the phone with her, I might still be living in my low-tech bubble. But she's mean. So here I am.
The worst part is that the only person that I've actually Skyped with since I've had it is.... drumroll please... my sister. As a test of the system. Go me.
I decided that I needed a Skype account to keep in touch with family and friends who are far away. I've actually wanted to do it for quite a while. There was just always something holding me back. I learned last week that it was a fear that I seem to have developed of new technology.
The whole concept just bamboozled me. If my sister hadn't called and basically forced me to sign up for it while I was on the phone with her, I might still be living in my low-tech bubble. But she's mean. So here I am.
The worst part is that the only person that I've actually Skyped with since I've had it is.... drumroll please... my sister. As a test of the system. Go me.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Star Light, Star Bright
I am wicked tired right now.
I completely blame my roommate for that. There was a big meteor shower last night, and she insisted on waking me up to go watch it. In all honesty, I really couldn't care less. I mean, what am I supposed to say, really? "Ooooh! Look at that! It's a big chunk of space junk heated by friction, causing it to glow! That shining trail of gases and melted matter following behind it is AWESOME!" All in all, the meteor shower was an absolute bust. We only saw one really good one. I guess the rest of the evening surrounding it was kind of amusing, though.
I woke up to one of our neighbors jumping up and down on my bed to get me to come out to watch the blessed event with them. When I finally dragged my sorry butt up, they made me walk up this big friggen hill to the car. I fell asleep on the way to the field where we were going to watch the meteor shower. They woke me up again when we got there and made me walk MORE. I tell you what... I may have said yes to the meteor shower in all its poor timing, but I definitely did NOT sign up for a hike. So we finally get to this stupid field, lay out some blankets and relax while we wait to see some meteor action. We're there for like 10 or 15 minutes before some silly Rent-A-Cop comes and kicks us out. I learned in that moment that all the public parks in the area close at dusk. I had not known that. My roommate did, but she bucked the rules for the sake of the space junk. Also, she said she'd done it plenty of times before and had never been busted. She'd even had a slice of pizza with one of the guys who did patrolling in that area. Well, the fellow we encountered was certainly not interested in sharing any snacks with us. He. was. ticked. We started packing up our stuff right away, but Carley, in what I can only assume was a strange attempt at an apology, told him how she'd never had this problem before and how she spent time in that particular park after dark all the time. BIG mistake. Captain Letter-of-the-Law totally chewed us out for that one. "You guys see that sign over there? The one that says that the park closes at dusk? Well, it may just be me, but I like to follow the LAW." Verbatim.
So in less than an hour, we left the apartment, drove to some field, trekked to the perfect meteor-watching location, got busted by a very angry middle-aged man, trekked back and went home. Probably not worth it for space junk.
I completely blame my roommate for that. There was a big meteor shower last night, and she insisted on waking me up to go watch it. In all honesty, I really couldn't care less. I mean, what am I supposed to say, really? "Ooooh! Look at that! It's a big chunk of space junk heated by friction, causing it to glow! That shining trail of gases and melted matter following behind it is AWESOME!" All in all, the meteor shower was an absolute bust. We only saw one really good one. I guess the rest of the evening surrounding it was kind of amusing, though.
I woke up to one of our neighbors jumping up and down on my bed to get me to come out to watch the blessed event with them. When I finally dragged my sorry butt up, they made me walk up this big friggen hill to the car. I fell asleep on the way to the field where we were going to watch the meteor shower. They woke me up again when we got there and made me walk MORE. I tell you what... I may have said yes to the meteor shower in all its poor timing, but I definitely did NOT sign up for a hike. So we finally get to this stupid field, lay out some blankets and relax while we wait to see some meteor action. We're there for like 10 or 15 minutes before some silly Rent-A-Cop comes and kicks us out. I learned in that moment that all the public parks in the area close at dusk. I had not known that. My roommate did, but she bucked the rules for the sake of the space junk. Also, she said she'd done it plenty of times before and had never been busted. She'd even had a slice of pizza with one of the guys who did patrolling in that area. Well, the fellow we encountered was certainly not interested in sharing any snacks with us. He. was. ticked. We started packing up our stuff right away, but Carley, in what I can only assume was a strange attempt at an apology, told him how she'd never had this problem before and how she spent time in that particular park after dark all the time. BIG mistake. Captain Letter-of-the-Law totally chewed us out for that one. "You guys see that sign over there? The one that says that the park closes at dusk? Well, it may just be me, but I like to follow the LAW." Verbatim.
So in less than an hour, we left the apartment, drove to some field, trekked to the perfect meteor-watching location, got busted by a very angry middle-aged man, trekked back and went home. Probably not worth it for space junk.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)